Emmestyle

You asked. She answered. Our wonderful Emme-supermodel, superperson-helps you size things up and copeall the way around.

Q: I am a 27-year-old woman, 6 feet tall, and 245 Ibs. I have been married for almost a year and my husband thinks I'm beautiful inside and out. My problem is that after three years, I am still embarrassed getting naked in front of him. He is my soul mate and I am totally comfortable with him-it's my body I'm not comfortable with. Do you have any tips as to how to get over this?

A: Wow! This is a question I can totally relate to. I remember back when I was in college, I used to turn off all the lights so my boyfriend wouldn't see my thighs. Let's face it, the only one who can make a substantial difference in your life is you. That's what it comes down to. Cur yourself some slack. Sounds like you want to be something different than what you are. Ask yourself why. What will it take for you to be happy? When you learn to keep all things in perspective and to love yourself completely (body included), being naked will be an occasion of joy, not of shame.

Q: I am not the most confident person when it comes to my appearance, and the approaching bathing suit season has me absolutely horrified. I avoided beaches and pool parties all last summer, but since I adore swimming, this boycott made me miserable. I am 20 years old, 5' 4", 180 Ibs. Do you have any suggestions as to what suits might look good on me? I don't want to go through another summer unable to hit the waves because I don't have anything to wear.

A: Girlfriend, it's time to ride those waves! There are lots of swimsuits in the marketplace. Get our and try them on! Tank top one-piecers with a high-cut leg make everyone look great. Suits with a low-cur back really help accentuate narrow- shouldered maidens. Large-breasted femmes fatales need to find a good foundation in a suit. The rule of thumb is when you find a suit you absolutely love, buy two. Don't be a fish out of waterevery body in the pool. (Turn to "Sirens of Swim," page 96, and "Where to Shop," page 125, for great bathing suit ideas.)

Q:The girls I go to college with are very beautiful-from their hair to their makeup to their clothes. I, on the other hand, am 5' 61/2" tall and weigh 170 Ibs.1 feel like a plain Jane compared with them. I definitely don't fit in. After midterms and finals, we go to a campus bar to celebrate. All the guys flock to these girls. I find myself holding drinks or purses while my classmates are out on the floor dancing. I would like to find a boyfriend, but no one looks at me. I try to fill my time. I play some sports. I go to church. But I never meet anyone. I'm depressed and ready to give up.

A: Now is the time to celebrate! Kick up your heels. Midterms and finals are over. Why be the good girl wallflower when being gursy can be so much fun? Stop being the designated purse and drink holder. You need to build yourself up by spending time with others who will stimulate you, who will invite you to come our of your shell, and who will make your juices flow. If you don't go there for yourself, you will never experience what it feels like to shine. Go our on a limb and get involved in conversations- ask questions and make some new friends. Campus life lends itself to many social functions and activities. Spread your wings ... now is the time to fly.

Q: I am writing to you as a last resort. I am 25 years old,S' II", and a size 16/18. I don't look particularly heavy, and that's the problem. You see, I have an eating disorder. I started out as anorexic in high school, when I got down to 128 Ibs. Now I think I may be bulimic-I don't binge, but I do sometimes purge if I've eaten something that I shouldn't have. I've tried therapy, self-help books, and talking to other people about it, but no one really seems to believe I have a problem. I know I will always be a "big girl," but I'd love to stop obsessing and punishing myself over food and become a "big healthy girl." Any advice?

A. It drives you crazy, doesn't it? I know how you feel because I too had an eating problem (compulsive overeating). I might not have looked "the type," bur I knew there was something wrong. The fact that you admit you have a problem means you are on your way to getting better. That is the first step. I work with a couple of national, nonprofit groups that are dedicated to the prevention of eating disorders. They helped me, why not give them a call? EDAP (Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention, 206382- 3587) and AABA (American Anorexia Bulimia Association, 212-575-6200). The calls are confidential and extremely informative. Good luck and pass on all that you learn to others!

To Sarah in Michigan: I am so glad to hear that you're beginning to accept yourself and to live a healthier, more balanced life. Please keep up the good work that you'd started when you wrote to me!