Emmestyle

Supermodel Emme helps you work your way through life's ups and downs with confidence and a little something extra.

Q: I just met a great guy at a spiritual retreat. We hit it off on some very deep emotional levels and promised to keep in touch when we re-entered the "real world:' I haven't heard from him, and I know it sounds very ungrounded, but I'm afraid he hasn't called me because I am bigger than he is.What should I do?

A: My dear, we are heading inro the year 2000 aren't we? Don't wait for him to calL. .why not pick up the phone and see what he's been up to. You never know what you might find out. Could be life has taken him for a major ride; a call from you could lighten his load. Don't jump to body-conscious conclusions that bring you down ... time for another retreat?

Q: What do you think about using personal ads to find a date? Should I say what I look like (200 Ibs.,size 18)?There's more to me than my vital stats, but it seems like those ads put so much stocl< in them.

A: A few of my friends were successful finding companionship and love through personal ads. I have many more friends who have struck out completely and felt weird about the whole process. The key is to share what you feel is importanr to you. You do not have to say anything you don't want to. After all, that's why they are called personals. Know who you are, know what you wanr, and go for it. As you already said, there is more to YOut life (and hopefully your date will think the same) than your statistics.

Q: I'm a size 16, and I always get this comment:"You have such a pretty face." This makes my hair stand on end because I assume what they mean istoo bad about your size. How should I respond to this?

A: With a big grin, graciously say "Thank you." Leave it at that. Very rarely will someone take it a step further because they mean just what they say: That you are pretty and have a pretty face. Your assumption x's-out the intended complimenr and leaves you with self-doubt. We all can be guilty of this, but why not instead ask yourself why you feel a size 16 is so bad in the first place.

Q: My husband is gorgeous, muscular, and athletic. He is one of the nicest guys in the world. He is utterly faithful, sends me flowers for no reason, and likes to have me on his arm. I am a woman of size, and a day does not go by when I don't wonder, still, why he is with me. I know this is my problem. What can I do?

A: Enjoy the flowers, the attention, and the love your husband gives you. Be thankful every day that you have someone as wonderful as he is in your life. Be psyched, he's yours, you lucky devil, and revel in it. Beyond this, though, is something deeper. .. he is lucky to have you too. Start believing you offer him as much as he offers you. He loves you, body and all.

Q: It's inevitable. Every time I go out to dinner with my mother, no matter whether it's us alone or a table of 12, I'll pick up something to eat and she'll say: "Do you really need that?" Last time she did this, I got so angry I had to excuse myself from the table and go into the ladies room. What is the best way to handle this?

A: When you realize that you, not YOut mother, is in conrrol of when you eat, what you eat, and how much you eat, her comments will not sear you tomorrow as they do today. You might want to tell her, though, that her comments really hurt and embarrass you. Ask her why she feels she needs to worry about your food choices. Ask her to work on treating you like an adult, not a child. And finally, tell her that if she does not try to do this, you and she will not be going out to dinner together anytime soon. This food battle will take time, patience, and the backbone to stand behind your word, because it sounds like it's more her problem than yours.

Q: My best friend asked me to be the maid of honor at her wedding. All the other bridesmaids are a size 6. How do I approach the subject of the dress with her? I live in fear of looking like a gargantuan buttercup.

A: You were asked to be the maid of honor because you are the bride's dearest friend. So speak up now, or forever hold YOut peace. Tell her you want to look your best and offer some suggestions about what you would like to wear. If you don't ask, you don't get. Ultimately, it's you she wams by her side on her wedding day ... not a dress.

Q: My sister is really petite; she always has been. We are like night and day. I've always been athletic and big-boned. I'm perfectly content with the way I amdating and having a good time until I'm ready to settle down. But the other day I overheard a comment from a friend of hers that went sort of like this:"Too bad she can't find a husband. It must make herfeel bad that Miriam has always been the thin one." Hmm ... It crushes me that people are thinking that. How do I fix these feelings?

A: Honey, out of the mouths of boobs will come the most stupid things. How ridiculous for anyone to think you'd be happier if you were like your sister. Just live your life. Ignore negative comments from obviously ignorant people.