Emmestyle

In her book True Beauty (Putnam, 1996),Emme writes: "Go ahead and cast a bigger shadow ... Our self-esteem doesn't have to take a body blow just because we're fuller and rounder than the girl on the cover of Cosmo." Here, Emme, the world's first full-figured supermodel, offers Mode readers wisdom to live by.

Q: I was recently on the checkout line at the supermarket when Mr. Right appeared behind me. As we struck up a conversation, I nearly broke out in hives when I realized that he had a basket full oHat-free food; I, two pints of Ben & Jerry's. My tongue was immediately tied. What would have been the best way to handle this?

A: My suggestion is untie your tongue and invite him over for a banana split! He'd probably take you up on your offer faster than he could ask "When?" The poor guy probably hasn't had ice cream in years, and who better than you to be the one to show him the way. You know the old saying: "The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Who needs fat-free-overlyprocessed- tastes-like-cardboard food when there's flavor to savor. The key is, once ~e start taking responsibility for fulfilling and curbing our own appetites, the guilt in giving ourselves permission to eat all foods in moderation will be gone. What better way to start than with a potential new love?

Q: I recently went to the theater and as the orchestra began to play, a very noisy latecomer was trying to get to her seat. When she got to me, she said loudly, "If you weren't so big, I could get through here." I refrained from belting her, but I was so angry, she ruined the whole show for me. Any suggestion for how to cope with insulting sizism?

A: Congratulations on your composure, and good for you for not stooping to her level. Isn't it sad that insecure people need to lash out at others when they are in the wrong? Obviously her lateness was a much bigger problem than your size. Does she have the right to use you to blow off steam? No! It's not fair, and you're not alone. It happens to all of us. Can you change the world? No. Can you change the perception some people have of large women? Sometimes. I find expressing my feelings about an offhand comment like that, no matter how silly or weird I might feel doing it, helps me clear up anger that might ultimately turn into insecurity. You could say something like: "Miss, you're being rude to me and also to the performers. Please take your seat." Remember, grace is always more dignified than hatred. 1'm sure she made a bigger fool of herself than of you.

Q: I just got home from a date with a guy who was friendly, open, and very attracted to me, or so he said and showed by the sexy body contact. He called me after the date to say what a great time he had, and to my surprise said, "You know, you'd be perfect if you lost I5 pounds!' And then he asked me on a second date!This seems like a double message, and I don't know what to make of it.

A: Your control-freak radar must have just gone up to the moon. My suggestion: Go on the second date and get the 411. If you're not comfortable questioning him about his stupid remark face to face, give him a friendly call and edge it into the conversation. Key: Don't put him on the spot; humor always works best. After hearing his response, you will have a better idea of where he is coming from and whether or not this guy is good for you. The most destructive thing you can do here is be left in a position to wonder. That will make you forever uncomfortable with him. Love should never depend on pounds. If he can't cope-NEXT!

Q: You are famous for your crusade to instill confidence in full-figured women, but you are a model. What about the rest of us?

A: Confidence is not something everyone is born with. It is most often learned. I need confidence each time I go to a booking, appe~r on national TV, or deliver a lecture. Undeniably, we can all feel fabulous, model or not. But it's important to go inward and dismantle negative feedback we give ourselves and make room for positive habits. I visualize confidence as building blocks; one of those blocks is trust. Trust others that they are not thinking the worst of you. Trust that what you have to say is worthwhile. When we practice trust, confidence and faith follow closely behind. Faith is yet another building block. It backs up the belief that what you are doing is right for you. How you look is right for you. What I 3 found through my confidence is that I had to accept who I am without gaining or los- (5 ing weight. I had to trust that my goals and aspirations would be accomplished if! 1E did the work. One step at a time.